In the midst of our loss a couple of weeks ago we did get some good news, an offer on our house. Finally.
A woman had looked at our house back in November, but said that even though she liked it she would keep looking. Well, she came back the beginning of January for another look and made an offer. The offer initially came in VERY low and we really weren't sure what we should do. After talking with our Realtor we decided to counter offer and just let her know that we weren't going to play around that this was it. And believe it or not, she came back much closer to what we were hoping. After a week or so of getting the finer points down we had an offer we could both live with.
We had our inspection on Wednesday and just heard back today that it went well and there were only 3 minor issues, and one isn't even an issue they just didn't know what I had done. Anyway, so it looks like we're on our way to Cincinnati!
The offer was written that we won't close on the house until late March, but all contingencies will be off by February 17th for us to be able to write an offer on a home in Cincinnati. Once we close on the house we will rent our house back for at least April and if we don't find something we like by then we can rent May as well. This is perfect for what I want. It allows us to move when the weather is a little better and it will give Jake a chance to be in his new school for at least a month before school gets out so he can make some friends for the summer.
We are hoping to go down to Cincinnati sometime in February, but we're not sure yet if we will take the kids with us. Right now, there's not a lot on the market in Anderson twsp, but hopefully things will pick up soon. If not, we've also started to look at some other areas, but until I go down there I won't know for sure if I really like them.
Its going to be a busy few months trying to pack up everything and sell some things we don't want to move. Regardless, I'm excited to be moving forward!
Friday, January 27, 2012
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Moving on
Note: This is very personal and might be too much information for some.
We lost our baby. It had stopped growing sometime around 9 weeks which is only a week after I had seen it and heard its heartbeat on an ultrasound. What follows is a lot more detail about the day I found out and what I have been feeling since. I'm trying to find a way to move on and this is the best I can come up with now to help in the grieving and healing process.
Monday was the worst day of my life, hands down. I went in for my 14 week appointment only to leave finding out my baby had died nearly 5 weeks earlier. And to make it worse, the week before the nurse had supposedly found the heartbeat to ease my worries that something might be wrong when I had had some spotting. I should have listened to myself rather than the nurse, I knew in my gut that the heartbeat was mine and not the baby's. I had even had a dream a few nights earlier that I was having a miscarriage. And this time was so much harder. I saw my baby lying so still in my belly, not moving, no heartbeat, and the same size as when I had seen it 6 weeks earlier. The doctor didn't need to even tell me, I knew. And because I couldn't listen to myself my body was none the wiser. This time it would not be natural, my body wouldn't take over and offer me comfort, instead I would have to take some medicine that would continue to make this even more real and awful. The medicine worked fast and quick, but by no means was it easy. From the cramping to my water breaking to passing my baby it has been a truly awful experience. And of course there is still bleeding so I am still reminded every time I go to the bathroom. And so I don't want to eat or drink anything now. Its not like it tastes good anyway. And I don't want to do anything, but yet I have to be doing something so I'm not thinking about it so now I play computer games until I'm too exhausted to see straight, which you would think would be a lot earlier than it ends up being. And I don't want to be mom during the day. Its strange to be sad about not being a mom to one more baby and not be able to rejoice in the 3 beautiful babies I do have. And of course they don't get it. They're sad, but for like a minute and then its like "you're still sad? Why?" Oh to be a kid and innocent. And of course Chris is out of town. Normally I don't mind sleeping alone on the couch, but I need him here to know HOW to sleep right now. Without him I don't know how to just stop distracting myself so I can sleep because if I stop distracting myself then I think about all that has happened and all that I lost in the past 2 days and then how can I possibly sleep. Between the thoughts and the sobs its awful to even breathe let alone sleep. Could it all just end now, please? Haven't I endured enough pain for one lifetime? My resolve has been challenged plenty I would think by now. I know I will move on and I know I will survive this, but I simply don't know how right now. I can't even see the tunnel to even know if there's a light at the end of it. I wish I could have just held my baby and let him know that I loved him and it was all going to be ok. All I wanted to do when I saw him Monday was climb inside that screen and curl up with my baby and comfort him. I love you sweet baby and I know that I will always think of you. I hope the universe has a better plan for you now.
We lost our baby. It had stopped growing sometime around 9 weeks which is only a week after I had seen it and heard its heartbeat on an ultrasound. What follows is a lot more detail about the day I found out and what I have been feeling since. I'm trying to find a way to move on and this is the best I can come up with now to help in the grieving and healing process.
Monday was the worst day of my life, hands down. I went in for my 14 week appointment only to leave finding out my baby had died nearly 5 weeks earlier. And to make it worse, the week before the nurse had supposedly found the heartbeat to ease my worries that something might be wrong when I had had some spotting. I should have listened to myself rather than the nurse, I knew in my gut that the heartbeat was mine and not the baby's. I had even had a dream a few nights earlier that I was having a miscarriage. And this time was so much harder. I saw my baby lying so still in my belly, not moving, no heartbeat, and the same size as when I had seen it 6 weeks earlier. The doctor didn't need to even tell me, I knew. And because I couldn't listen to myself my body was none the wiser. This time it would not be natural, my body wouldn't take over and offer me comfort, instead I would have to take some medicine that would continue to make this even more real and awful. The medicine worked fast and quick, but by no means was it easy. From the cramping to my water breaking to passing my baby it has been a truly awful experience. And of course there is still bleeding so I am still reminded every time I go to the bathroom. And so I don't want to eat or drink anything now. Its not like it tastes good anyway. And I don't want to do anything, but yet I have to be doing something so I'm not thinking about it so now I play computer games until I'm too exhausted to see straight, which you would think would be a lot earlier than it ends up being. And I don't want to be mom during the day. Its strange to be sad about not being a mom to one more baby and not be able to rejoice in the 3 beautiful babies I do have. And of course they don't get it. They're sad, but for like a minute and then its like "you're still sad? Why?" Oh to be a kid and innocent. And of course Chris is out of town. Normally I don't mind sleeping alone on the couch, but I need him here to know HOW to sleep right now. Without him I don't know how to just stop distracting myself so I can sleep because if I stop distracting myself then I think about all that has happened and all that I lost in the past 2 days and then how can I possibly sleep. Between the thoughts and the sobs its awful to even breathe let alone sleep. Could it all just end now, please? Haven't I endured enough pain for one lifetime? My resolve has been challenged plenty I would think by now. I know I will move on and I know I will survive this, but I simply don't know how right now. I can't even see the tunnel to even know if there's a light at the end of it. I wish I could have just held my baby and let him know that I loved him and it was all going to be ok. All I wanted to do when I saw him Monday was climb inside that screen and curl up with my baby and comfort him. I love you sweet baby and I know that I will always think of you. I hope the universe has a better plan for you now.
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